Day 46: Chains

This whole experience is about finding freedom and I still don't know where to look. I sometimes think I have found it and then I realized that I am chained to my humanity. Every day I think about this girl. Chain. I find myself coveting a better life. Chain. I find an old habit that holds me down. Chain. I leave God at the door. Chain.

Chains bind us. Plato wrote The Parable of the Cave. It was about humans that were chained in a dungeon facing a wall and the only thing they could see was shadows of the world behind them. They never had a true picture of reality. They were bound to their world of make believe. I often get caught in this world. I even get to the point where I believe the world I have made for myself is reality.

I want so bad to break those chains. I want to be free of my human condition. But even Job pleaded his innocence before God and could not be found blameless because of that human condition. We are born to sin and will forever be sinners. That is the human condition. We are sinners. Period. The only way that we can never be free of those chains is to accept the grace of God. I don't exactly know what the freedom means but I know that I want it with all that I am.

So for day 46, I accomplished the following:

No drinking
No smoking
P90x diet and exercise
No lying
No dating

Changes:

I have a tough time digging through all the junk that is still in my life and finding something pure. Days like today remind me that I am nothing and even though I have made huge strides mentally, physically, and spiritually I can not take credit for this success. I am such a selfish person that I want to boast about the things I have done. Even this blog seems selfish to me because I am putting this out for everyone to see when it is my cross to bear. I sometimes look at the page views and get excited or I think about what inspirational words I am going to write that day. How selfish. Chain.