Day 19: The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away

I started my workout today after reading my Bible. I finished Judges and began Ruth. She was kind of an interesting and powerful lady. She followed her mother-in-law blindly and never left her. I thought about that during my workout. I couldn't finish because this was the first time I have done the leg workout and it was too much for me. But when I was done I ran 2.4 miles to supplement.

While I was running I began to pray that God would take complete control of my life today. I prayed that He would give me the tools necessary to survive another day. And as I ran I realized that I had been doing all the talking these past few weeks. So I snapped out of it and asked God to speak to me. I took out my head phones and just listened. I began to have thoughts pour into my head. I began to hear God. And I began to cry uncontrollably until I saw a big truck coming toward me and thought, "I don't want to be crying when that truck passes. What if he asks me what is wrong?"

But I wasn't crying out of sadness. I was crying because of what God said to me. I basically asked Him to reveal Himself to me today. The wind was blowing and He began to speak. "Josh, do you see the wind?" Obviously I didn't. "You cannot see me either but you can see the evidence of the wind. You feel it on your face and hear it whipping past your ears. You see the trees blowing and you see the dust flying. I am the same Josh. You can see evidence of me everywhere. I am here." This is when I began to cry. He continued, "You are here for a reason and I am going to bless you like I did Moses, Aaron, Abraham, and Isaac. You are going to do great things and were meant for great things. Follow Me and do not turn to the right or to the left and I will make you great."

This is almost the same speech I have heard my mother give me. I heard her words, "Josh, you are special and were meant for great things." At this point, it was getting fairly hard to run and cry at the same time but I continued on. I knew I had just heard God speak to me and was overwhelmed. It pushed me to run harder and harder.

The tears finally dried up and I responded. "Whatever you want me to do God. I will do."

So for day 19, I accomplished the following:

No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Lying
No Dates

Changes:

God is changing my heart. I told you the story above to have a Mickey Rooney moment and tell you the rest of the story. I have been praying for Gods guidance in my life and for Him to take control. I ask Him almost every day to lead and guide. Yesterday, my father told ma about a car that my grandfather was selling. He said, "Blue Book value is like $3,800 but grandpa will sell it to you for $1,000." I was excited and planned to call him today and ask him if I could buy it. I wasn't too surprised that God had opened a door and was giving me the means to be able to pay off my debt and build a little breathing room for myself for when I went out to California. I had trusted in God to provide and He did. My plan was to buy the car and sell it, then invest the rest of the money.

I called my dad to ask him for the phone number for my grandfather and he told me that my sister had already bought the car. I was pretty mad for about twenty minutes. I have always been a little jealous of my sister because of some of the advantages she gets and it has been a process for me to lose that anger. I just felt like this was another thing that she was getting over me.

But I have to take a step back. "If you are faithful with little, the Lord will make you faithful with much." My sister is much more devoted to Christ than I have ever been. I was crushed because of the conversation I had just had with God, but I will follow God no matter what He gives me or what He takes away. I am in His will and if He sees fit to give this car to my sister, then so be it. Everything is in His hands. The Lord Gives and the Lord Takes Away.

I have never spoken to God like that before and today was the most momentous day I have had since beginning this journey.