Day 33: Mistakes

I made a big mistake. I went to lunch with my boss to talk out some of our differences. We talked for a few hours and resolved a lot of issues. I am glad we talked glad we worked through our issues. I felt like working together might not be so bad after all. I was going to work on my response to her requests so that there wasn't so much tension.

Well, everything seemed to be going well she asked me why I had done something the way I had. I had just walked in the building and was still on my break and I kind of felt backed into a corner because the question was coming at me so quickly. I immediately reverted back to my usual response of defense. I said, "nothing I would have do there would have been right!" This was not the right thing to say. I have just been so used to responding that way for so long that the response was just ingrained.

I apologized over and over again and felt sick for putting us back where we were instead of making progress toward resolution. You can only apologize so much. Words are empty without action so I have made a resolve to always think before I respond. I am going to show my efforts instead of talk about them. It is time to get things right.

I prayed about this and put it into Gods hands because beyond the efforts I am going to make to change, what control do I have? It is out of my hands if she doesn't accept my apology. I am only going to worry about the things I can control instead of the things I can't.

So for day 33, I accomplished the following:

No drinking
No smoking
No Dating
No lying

Changes:

God is reminding me every day that He is in complete control. I was talking to my mom yesterday and thought about Gods plans for our lives. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter what His plans for you are. I am living today, not tomorrow, today. As long as I can put my trust in Him everyday, then He is the one guiding my actions and thoughts. That is his plan. And when I am in Christ, He always works out my mistakes.