Day 44: It Hurts So Good

I just finished reading Esther and began Job. Wow, I love the first few chapters of Job. I relate to that guy in so many ways and not at all. I feel like we are both being tested but I think Job had it way worse. He lost everything he loved. I mean everything. Now, I have faced loss but not like that and I don't know which kind of loss is worse. I lost someone I cared about but not to death. I lost them and still had to see them every day. It was a loss because of rejection. That kind of loss hurts. I don't know what kind of loss Job felt but I think it may have been similar. He felt like God was turning His back on Job. That would be a scary thought and very painful.

I wish in so many ways that I could be like Job. He trusted God in the darkest of times. I feel so weak sometimes because I lose that trust and try to do it on my own. If I can do all things through Christ, then I can't do anything without Him. I mean sure, I can feel momentary success in this selfish life, but alas, a moment is all I can have. In the end we all have to make choices. We all have to decide who or what is going to guide our life. And if the decision is that we ourselves will take the reigns then we have already failed. But if that decision is to have God lead our lives, then the race doesn't have to end. We can run for eternity and know that no matter what happens, we have already won.

So for day 44, I accomplished the following:

No drinking
No smoking
P90x diet and exercise
No lying
No dating

Changes:

I have noticed a big change in the way my body is reacting to my food intake. I am eating more then I used to and losing more weight. I think it is because the amount of meals I am eating keeps my metabolism working throughout the day on top of all the calorie burn. I weighed myself yesterday and then again today and have lost 2 more pounds. I am shriveling away to nothing.

I have a hard time making it through workouts sometimes and on a small level, the workouts are representative of this journey as a whole. This journey hurts. It hurts to leave behind the things you once loved and move on to something new. It hurts to face the pain of rejection every day. It hurts to know that things will never be the same. It hurts to change. But just like my physical well being and the changes that are happening in the body, you have to feel the pain to get results. I am feeling the pain and let me tell you, it hurts so good.