Day 60: Letting Go

This is one of the hardest things for me ever. I have been hanging out with the girl that started this whole things and we finally had the talk about how I had to get back to God and finish my journey. I made a commitment to myself and to God and I have let Him down and myself down as well. I lost trust in my God and let myself get distracted. But this journey isn't over. God isn't done with me.

This journey is like an elevator and once I made the decision to embark on building a better life I got on and pushed the up button. Now I may have fallen down in the elevator but it is still going up. I am not quitting and I am not giving up but I need your help God. I am writing this and I can't hold back the tears. I feel like I have failed. I feel like I have lost control. I need you God. I need you to pick me back up because I can't do this alone.

So for day 60, I accomplished the following:

No drinking
No smoking
P90x diet
No lying

Changes:

I took a girl on a date and had a wonderful time. I felt awful though. I felt like I was cheating on myself or this other girl or God. All these things I thought about before the date but I did it anyways. I want this to be in the change column because it is helping me to understand what my weaknesses are. Where God can can take the lead. This is why I had that conversation with the girl. I had to tell her if I was ever going to be successful in life with myself or  ever respect myself then I was going to have to let go. And this is scary. I am worried that because of this I will never get her back. But I have to trust my God. I have to trust Him fully and that is the hardest part of letting go.