Day 52: Rest

It is when you are at your most vulnerable that you learn the most and gain the most. Tonight I had a little taste of what got me into this mess in the first place. I had begun to hang out with the girl that was the catalyst for finding freedom in 90 days again. Her and I were talking and she made some serious promises about her intent and her commitment. It was all interesting to hear and I was receptive though guarded. Obviously. Trust is easy to lose and hard to get back. Tonight, we were talking on her porch and a guy drove up. He walked up to us and asked us what was happening. I wasn't sure what was happening so I didn't answer. But apparently there was something between them.

Remember in my first blog when I talked about how she left me for her ex? Well, this is a different ex and they were talking again I guess. So in some ways, he is in the same boat I was on January 1st.

So here I am, completely vulnerable and tired. Tired of the games, tired of the lies, tired of the hurt. I am just tired. I guarded myself this time for a reason. A good reason. I can't say I am shocked or surprised. I am just tired. Really, really tired.

So for day 52, I accomplished the following:

No drinking
No smoking
No lying

Changes:

This time its different. The hurt is replaced by absolute love. God's love. And I know that because of Him that I have nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. God's got this. And with that knowledge, I can finally find rest.