Day 59: Gods Plan?

Confusion and distraction. This is what women bring to the table and the reason I decided to keep them out of this journey. I am glad I did but the timing is frustrating. I meet girls that I find attractive and want to get to know but I have to keep them at arms length because of my commitment. I know I said I was dropping that part of finding freedom but who am I kidding. I started this with a goal in mind and I have to stick to it.

It seems so hard for me to focus at times but I am getting my commitments done every day. I am still having to play catch up with my reading and it isnt' easy. Especially with this new shift I am doing. It is from 10-6 so it splits my day in half.

I sometimes wonder if God really has a plan for me or not. I find myself wanting to take the wheel so often and I don't know if it is worth it or not. Well obviously it isn't but the feelings I have tell me I can do it on my own. I hate feeling that way. I want to feel dependent like nothing I do is right without Gods help. That way I will never lose focus, never get off track, never question or second guess. I think Gods plan is to have me trust Him. If I am doing that, then I am following his plan.

So for day 59, I accomplished the following:

No drinking
No smoking
P90x Diet and exercise
No lying
No dating

Changes:

I spent almost four hours at the gym. This seems a bit extreme but I am working hard to try and break through this plateau that I am at. I weighed myself and I am 190lbs. I am about to break into the 180's and I am so excited. I am only 10lbs from my goal. I have the rest of this month to do it. There is a song by Liknin Park where they talk about breaking the habit. "I am breaking the habit tonight." This line is true of me and this journey, it has been about me breaking the habits. I have finally broken my bad habits and have 30 days to replace them with new ones. Gods plan?