Day 13: I Miss Sin?

Day 13 gave me an interesting perspective on the way I view my current situation. I know I am relating a lot to this girl I dated but it is very relevant to what I am about to talk about. I went running today and while I was running I began to think about what attracted me to drinking, partying, and general sin in the first place. I never came up with an answer. I did, however, realize that I was in mourning or "missed" the sinful life. Not that I want to go back but because it was what consumed me for so long. It was sort of the same feeling I had while getting over this girl. I missed her even though I don't ever want to go back. You see, she betrayed me and left me broken. Sin has done the same thing. Satan had such a grip on my life and I didn't want to let go and when I did I felt like a part of me had died and was left empty. I am now filling that hole with something good and pure and leaving that sinful life behind but a part of me is still mourning the loss of that lifestyle. I am only saying this to be real with myself. If I said that I was strong enough to never look back then I would be a liar. I am glad God hasn't turned me to a pillar of salt because I am guilty of looking back.

Now I don't like comparing this girl to Satan or sin because I don't think that way about her at all but the feelings of loss are very similar. I am on the other side and I don't ever want to look back.

So for day 13, I accomplished the following:

No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Dates

I would like to say that I didn't lie but I did tell my sister that I had to teach Sabbath school tomorrow so I didn't have to teach her cradle role class. Now, I wasn't sure if I had to teach or not but I was intentionally trying to get out of something by deceiving her. I have to apologize to her for that and somehow make up for it.

Changes:

I have noticed changes in my desire to know God. I no longer am being as passive with my reading but I am trying to pray to God. It is an intentional act. I am trying to communicate which I was not doing when I first started.

Tonight is the first time I have prayed to God a sincere prayer all week. I am asking God tonight to give me a new outlook and purify my heart so that I have no ill feelings and no evil thoughts. I am asking God for a new heart. I am asking God to help me get over sin. I am begging God for peace. I know this is a selfish prayer because I want God to do everything but it is a sincere prayer because I no longer want to miss sin.