Day 12: Motivated Much?

Day 12 was an absolute bust much like day 11. I am feeling depressed these last couple days and just absolutely lonely. I keep looking back instead of looking at now. I keep looking at what I don't have instead of what I do have. I have been a glass half empty kind of guy the last few days. I hate it when I get in this funk and can not bring myself out of it.

I am trying to use God as a compass and give my life to Him every day but the trials of life are hard. It is hard to go to work at all different hours and work at a place like McDonald's. It is hard to know that I am not going to move up in the corporate chain. I told them that I was going to leave in the summer trying to be honest with my intentions and ever since then they have thrown me to the wayside and promoted everyone else. I feel stuck now and it is all because I have integrity? I don't know about that. I don't know if I would rather have the promotions and the raises to help my future career and resume or have the integrity of knowing that I was honest with my employer. I feel like I would rather have integrity but where has it gotten me?

So for day 12, I accomplished the following:

No Drinking
No Smoking
No Lying

Changes:

I have noticed that I am much more tired than I ever used to be. I am finding it hard to keep my body fueled because I can't eat until after work so I have to wait all day. I need to give my body fuel or I am going to burn out. But once again, I am losing a lot of weight.

I wonder why I have felt so down the last couple days? I told myself that I would get back on track tomorrow because Friday is my day off and I have time to figure things out. I know that I have said that tomorrow never comes, so I need to find the motivation today. There is a saying that my father always used to use. I think everyone should take it to heart and live by it.

"If not me, then who? If not now, then when?"