I was awakened from my afternoon nap by a bunch of screaming kids with their parents in tow funneling into my apartment for snacks a break from the harsh winds outside. They had all been at the park earlier that day. Church friends mostly. They all began to eat and talk and I came out of my hovel to join the conversation. We all sat down and one of the guests began to play the guitar and sing. We all joined in and sang with him. He then asked us to share what had happened to us this week. I began to tell them the story of my week.
Everyone was very encouraging and prayed over me when I was finished. They had heard about my struggles with this journey, the boss, the workouts, the diet. All these things are putting me through the fire and I am in desperate need of their prayers.
I don't know why I say or do the things I do sometimes, but what I am realizing is that I am gonna go through this experience and come out the other side just as human as the day I started. I have so many desires in life and they are all melting away the more I put my trust in God. I want to put God on the forefront and not let anything in this world phase me. Even my own mistakes. I don't want to be inhibited by my human limitations.
So for day 35, I accmomplished the following:
No drinking
No smoking
No lying
No dating
Changes:
I had a fight with the girl last week. Everything seemed to be going really well and then it all fell apart. I ruined things and any chance of getting things back on track unless she forgives me. I can't believe I am still so selfish. But I am putting this in the changes section because it is something I cannot change. That is the realization that I am coming to, why worry about the things I cannot change. I have apologized. what else can I do? It is now out of my control. I am genuinely sorry for what I said and have to live with that. If she doesn't forgive me then I understand.
I am learning that God is the only thing that matters.
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Day 6: Slingshot my Soul
Day 6 was about as good as it could have been. I had to work the opening shift and had to slose the night before so I was pretty tired. This didn't help my sickness any. While at work, I asked my boss if I could do BSM which is another class for managers in the McDonald's food chain. She was willing to let me and we started talking about some things I could do to improve at work.
In my journey, I have encountered many who are encouraged by my voyage and I am grateful to God for that. The kind words, stories of change, and inspirational testimonies are all so powerful to me. I love hearing from you all. I thank God so much for allowing me to be born in a Christian family that sent me to Christian schools. I now have friends across the entire country and am able to know that even though we are apart, God finds a way to keep us close.
So for Day 6 I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Lying
No Dates
Changes:
I am starting to feel the changes on my body. I weighed my self and I am the lightest I have been in a few years. I am also feeling full after much less food intake and I have been drinking water like crazy. I have been so thirsty for some reason.
I am also noticing changes in the way people react to me and talk to me that know that I am doing this journey. They are all very curious and interested and seem to be more open with me and comfortable with me. I think it is because when you make yourself vulnerable, people see that your guard is down and try to get the know the soul.
I am amazed by this. I love that people feel comfortable enough with me to share their testimonies as well. A good friend from college, Kara Mulder, wrote me the other day and said something very profound. I am stealing it but it was very encouraging.
"Picture a sling-shot. For the sling-shot to project a rock into the sky, it has to pulled back. In our lives, sometimes it seems like we are making no forward progress and we wonder what God is doing. It's like we take a baby step forward and then a huge jump back. It's like we are a slingshot and sometimes God takes us backwards to grow us and stretch us. The backward movement is not in vain. It's so that we can reach farther and be stronger than we would have had that backward stretching not happened."
In my journey, I have encountered many who are encouraged by my voyage and I am grateful to God for that. The kind words, stories of change, and inspirational testimonies are all so powerful to me. I love hearing from you all. I thank God so much for allowing me to be born in a Christian family that sent me to Christian schools. I now have friends across the entire country and am able to know that even though we are apart, God finds a way to keep us close.
So for Day 6 I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Lying
No Dates
Changes:
I am starting to feel the changes on my body. I weighed my self and I am the lightest I have been in a few years. I am also feeling full after much less food intake and I have been drinking water like crazy. I have been so thirsty for some reason.
I am also noticing changes in the way people react to me and talk to me that know that I am doing this journey. They are all very curious and interested and seem to be more open with me and comfortable with me. I think it is because when you make yourself vulnerable, people see that your guard is down and try to get the know the soul.
I am amazed by this. I love that people feel comfortable enough with me to share their testimonies as well. A good friend from college, Kara Mulder, wrote me the other day and said something very profound. I am stealing it but it was very encouraging.
"Picture a sling-shot. For the sling-shot to project a rock into the sky, it has to pulled back. In our lives, sometimes it seems like we are making no forward progress and we wonder what God is doing. It's like we take a baby step forward and then a huge jump back. It's like we are a slingshot and sometimes God takes us backwards to grow us and stretch us. The backward movement is not in vain. It's so that we can reach farther and be stronger than we would have had that backward stretching not happened."
Friday, February 18, 2011
Day 5: I lost it all
Day 5 was the first day of me being over my sickness. I still have the head cold and am stuffed up but I felt like a million bucks. I worked out with Ab Ripper X! And you kind of have to grunt when you say it so it sounds better. I must confess, I hate the guy who instructs the videos. What a tool! I mean I can't stand the sound of his voice and every time I see the video I can't help but think that I am going to have to watch him annoy me again tomorrow!
The reading was interesting because it was very repetitive. It was all about the Tabernacle and instructions on how to build it. I am not sure if it is just the section I am reading or Moses's writing that I am having trouble with. I feel like he could just say, "refer back to Tabernacle dimensions in previous chapter" rather than explaining them all over again. The story seems to drag on for chapters and chapters but, this reading also described Moses seeing God. This is an amazing event in the Bible because it is the first time since the Garden of Eden that God has shown his actual person to anyone (save for Abraham when the strangers came and told him Sara was going to have a child but most believe that was an angel). It says that Moses's face shone and he had to wear a veil to cover his face! I mean how great a God do I serve that one look at his face would kill a man?
I am noticing that I am getting a lot of support from friends and family through this journey. I appreciate all the encouraging words and I don't expect people to read this blog everyday but I do enjoy the comments that are left. They give me energy and encouragement.
So for day 5 I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Lying
No Dating
Changes:
I am noticing some very good results. I have already lost weight. I am at 210 pounds. That is down from 234 a few months ago and down from 214 at the beginning of this challenge. My goal is to reach 180 by the summer. I feel like that is an attainable goal. I have also noticed that things don't seem to bother me nearly as much as they used to. I mean, when I wake up and pray that God takes my life into His hands, there really can't be much to complain about. He has me covered. I had to lose everything to gain that perspective.
My dear friend Tony Pacini shared this with me and I was very encouraged by it. It comes from an African Christian, it was his last testament before being martyred for his faith.
"I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made - I'm a disciple of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean in His presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power.
My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions are few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till he stops me. And, when he comes for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me.... my banner will be clear!"
The reading was interesting because it was very repetitive. It was all about the Tabernacle and instructions on how to build it. I am not sure if it is just the section I am reading or Moses's writing that I am having trouble with. I feel like he could just say, "refer back to Tabernacle dimensions in previous chapter" rather than explaining them all over again. The story seems to drag on for chapters and chapters but, this reading also described Moses seeing God. This is an amazing event in the Bible because it is the first time since the Garden of Eden that God has shown his actual person to anyone (save for Abraham when the strangers came and told him Sara was going to have a child but most believe that was an angel). It says that Moses's face shone and he had to wear a veil to cover his face! I mean how great a God do I serve that one look at his face would kill a man?
I am noticing that I am getting a lot of support from friends and family through this journey. I appreciate all the encouraging words and I don't expect people to read this blog everyday but I do enjoy the comments that are left. They give me energy and encouragement.
So for day 5 I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Lying
No Dating
Changes:
I am noticing some very good results. I have already lost weight. I am at 210 pounds. That is down from 234 a few months ago and down from 214 at the beginning of this challenge. My goal is to reach 180 by the summer. I feel like that is an attainable goal. I have also noticed that things don't seem to bother me nearly as much as they used to. I mean, when I wake up and pray that God takes my life into His hands, there really can't be much to complain about. He has me covered. I had to lose everything to gain that perspective.
My dear friend Tony Pacini shared this with me and I was very encouraged by it. It comes from an African Christian, it was his last testament before being martyred for his faith.
"I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made - I'm a disciple of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean in His presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power.
My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions are few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till he stops me. And, when he comes for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me.... my banner will be clear!"
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day 2: One Day at a Time
Day 2 of my journey to find God is not going well. Granted it is Valentines day and I am reminded of how alone I am in this world. But isn't what this is all about? I need to learn to be content with myself. All I need to be fulfilled is God. Now, I do think that God made marriage for a reason. Man was not meant to walk this earth alone. But contentment means that you are fulfilled with God. It means that I can't love someone else if I don't love myself. That is one of the many reasons that this journey is so exciting.
The reading of Exodus really gave me an interesting look at the fury of the Old Testament God. He seems to interrupt free will quite a bit. He hardened Pharaohs heart several times. I am not convince that Pharaoh wouldn't have let the Israelites go earlier if God hadn't intervened. He wanted all the plagues to play out in Egypt to prove his might and power. To prove to everyone that He was truly God. In this, he made Pharaoh an instrument, he used him and as a result, we will never know the outcome. Since he used Pharaoh as a tool could it be that Pharaoh was following Gods will and living Gods plan for his life?
So for day 2 I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
No Dates
Changes:
Once again, I have slept through the night with no problems. I am even tired when I wake up. I am still thinking about my past a lot. It drags me down. I feel like its hard when I fall down to get back up. The reality of life seems to hit me and I realize that I have to take it one day at a time.
My sister commented yesterday on my post. She told me to find an AA class and to add no lying to the list. Well, at first I was mad that she wasn't very supportive of my journey, but now I look back and see all the things I have done to my family and put them through. We have been down this path before. I always seem to revert back to my previous behavior. Lying, drinking, living for myself. She is absolutely right. I am going to take part of her advice, since I am putting myself through my own alcohol rehabilitation, then I will take the second part to heart. NO MORE LYING. The truth of the matter is I have to be honest with myself and God, but if my family/friends ask me something I will be honest with them. I am not going to live a double life anymore. This is just a part of the commitment I am making through this journey.
As I am writing this, I am tearing up. I know it is because I am making promises that I can only keep with Gods help. Pray for me friends.
The reading of Exodus really gave me an interesting look at the fury of the Old Testament God. He seems to interrupt free will quite a bit. He hardened Pharaohs heart several times. I am not convince that Pharaoh wouldn't have let the Israelites go earlier if God hadn't intervened. He wanted all the plagues to play out in Egypt to prove his might and power. To prove to everyone that He was truly God. In this, he made Pharaoh an instrument, he used him and as a result, we will never know the outcome. Since he used Pharaoh as a tool could it be that Pharaoh was following Gods will and living Gods plan for his life?
So for day 2 I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
No Dates
Changes:
Once again, I have slept through the night with no problems. I am even tired when I wake up. I am still thinking about my past a lot. It drags me down. I feel like its hard when I fall down to get back up. The reality of life seems to hit me and I realize that I have to take it one day at a time.
My sister commented yesterday on my post. She told me to find an AA class and to add no lying to the list. Well, at first I was mad that she wasn't very supportive of my journey, but now I look back and see all the things I have done to my family and put them through. We have been down this path before. I always seem to revert back to my previous behavior. Lying, drinking, living for myself. She is absolutely right. I am going to take part of her advice, since I am putting myself through my own alcohol rehabilitation, then I will take the second part to heart. NO MORE LYING. The truth of the matter is I have to be honest with myself and God, but if my family/friends ask me something I will be honest with them. I am not going to live a double life anymore. This is just a part of the commitment I am making through this journey.
As I am writing this, I am tearing up. I know it is because I am making promises that I can only keep with Gods help. Pray for me friends.
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