Today is a day for the record books. I have been doing P90x for 30 days straight and reading my Bible for 30 days as well. I finally get a break from the Bible (not that this is a good thing) but reading generally tires me out. Today is a "rest" day from reading but I read anyways. I also did Plyometrics. Phase 2 of P90x is a little more intense but some of the workouts are the same like Plyo.
My boss and I got into a confrontation today and I came home to work out my rage (frustration actually but rage makes it sound cooler). I was pretty upset while working out. I had texted her and apologized for my argumentative spirit. I should have just listened to her, but alas, I have too much of my mother and father in me to back down. So while I was working out, I kept thinking about it. Then my nephews walked in and began to jump with me (plyometrics is jump training). They were smiling at me and asking me to look at them. They were trying to follow my lead and I just started smiling. I had prayed just before my workout that God would handle the issues I was having and he seemed to answer my prayer in a different way then I thought. Instead of giving me a sign toward resolution with my boss, he changed my spirit and gave me a new attitude. I was no longer angry, I wasn't even thinking about it. I was just enjoying my nephews try to accomplish the seemingly impossible tasks put before them. They were falling and laughing and flailing. It was hilarious.
This also gave me a new thought that I have never entertained before. While I was watching them do their best to overcome childhood clumsiness and complete the moves, I thought that this time spent with them may be the only time in my life that I have been proud of myself as an uncle. Not that I am a great uncle but I was excited that I was being a positive influence toward them for the first time in their lives. They were seeing me do something good with my life instead of something destructive. I want that. I want them to see me working out, eating right, reading my Bible, making positive changes instead of coming home drunk, playing video games, bringing home different girls. They need to see something positive.
So for day 30, I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90x Diet and Exercise
No Lying
No Dating
Changes:
I am 1/3 through this journey and I am loving the ride. I look back at the last month and I am excited that I have made it this far. I have a lot of work to do. I am not nearly where I want to be physically, spiritually, or mentally. Yes, I have made progress in all of these areas but I am going to have to turn it all over to God every day if I want to make it through.
Never, Never, Never Give Up!!!!
Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts
Monday, March 14, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Day 10: You Were Born an Original
Day 10, what can be said? It was fairly uneventful. I must say, work is stressful and when I get home I don't really want to work out but I force myself sometimes and other times it is easy. I hate having to go in the morning and being short handed or having to hear it from the bosses all day about how bad the store is running. I sometimes wonder what people think of me there? I mean, I don't go around telling people about this commitment I have made. In fact, this blog is pretty much the only forum where I talk about a lot the issues on my mind.
I am reading Numbers in the Bible. It is going by too quickly for me to understand what is going on really. I mean there is a lot of, well, numbers. Counting, sorting, planning, it all seems to be sort of methodical and intentional. I don't see much feeling poured into the book. I tend to put too much feeling into my writing. In fact, I write more about my feelings than I do talk about them. I have a feeling and it goes in the blog. That doesn't mean that I am making decisions based on those feelings. I am just having a feeling. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.
So for Day10, I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Dates
No Lying
Changes:
I have been losing a significant amount of weight. I am the lightest I have been in five years. I have been loving that aspect of my journey. I am sore every day from working out and I am hungry a lot because I don't want to eat at McDonald's so I just go hungry until I get off work. I need more food to sustain this workout. Fuel the body.
I was thinking about the events that unfold in our lives. The way we view ourselves or the way we long for others to view us and I came to an interesting conclusion. We tend to handle those events in the way we think people want us to. I am saying this because a lot of who we are is a make up of what we want to be, not who we really are. Let me explain, when I come in contact with someone and they have a personality trait that I admire and like, I tend to try to mimic that trait. I have done this for years. Stealing all the good traits and making myself into the person I think the world wants see. But I see now that this is only adding layer and layer of paint until you can't even see what the original was. Once you get down to the original wood finish you can see the true beauty that the paint was hiding. I want that wood finish to shine through. You were born an original, don't die a copy.
I am reading Numbers in the Bible. It is going by too quickly for me to understand what is going on really. I mean there is a lot of, well, numbers. Counting, sorting, planning, it all seems to be sort of methodical and intentional. I don't see much feeling poured into the book. I tend to put too much feeling into my writing. In fact, I write more about my feelings than I do talk about them. I have a feeling and it goes in the blog. That doesn't mean that I am making decisions based on those feelings. I am just having a feeling. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.
So for Day10, I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Dates
No Lying
Changes:
I have been losing a significant amount of weight. I am the lightest I have been in five years. I have been loving that aspect of my journey. I am sore every day from working out and I am hungry a lot because I don't want to eat at McDonald's so I just go hungry until I get off work. I need more food to sustain this workout. Fuel the body.
I was thinking about the events that unfold in our lives. The way we view ourselves or the way we long for others to view us and I came to an interesting conclusion. We tend to handle those events in the way we think people want us to. I am saying this because a lot of who we are is a make up of what we want to be, not who we really are. Let me explain, when I come in contact with someone and they have a personality trait that I admire and like, I tend to try to mimic that trait. I have done this for years. Stealing all the good traits and making myself into the person I think the world wants see. But I see now that this is only adding layer and layer of paint until you can't even see what the original was. Once you get down to the original wood finish you can see the true beauty that the paint was hiding. I want that wood finish to shine through. You were born an original, don't die a copy.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Day 9: I am Me
Day 9 was another day for the record books. I haven't felt this much energy, but this tired in years. I find myself focusing a lot on my exercising and less on everything else. I guess I am so busy exercising that I don't have time to think about the other things I am refraining from. I haven't even thought about alcohol except for once at work. We were all talking about our favorite beers. I began to get the craving. That was last week though.
I had started to wonder why God was so intentional and particular with his rules and regulations in Leviticus, but then I had a conversation with my mother. A lot of times when I talk, I tend to formulate opinions or ideas as they pop up. I try to pass some of them off as things I have thought about before but that often isn't the case. While we were talking, I said something that got me thinking. I said that God was in some ways punishing the Israelites for what they did to Him. I mean think about it, God promises that He is going to be there for them, takes care of them, blesses them and then every time He turns around they are betraying Him and stabbing Him in the back. This is the very situation I faced with the girl I dated. I gave her everything, treated her like a queen, promised to be there for her and respect her and she stabbed me in the back. She betrayed my trust and it hurt. I am sure God felt the same hurt that I did. His people that He loved deserted Him and left Him alone. When they finally wanted Him back it was conditional. God needed to break them of their selfishness and teach them to be the people He wanted them to be. By giving them these laws, rules, and regulations He was creating a habit within them. He was creating an intentional life and grooming them into the people they needed to be to survive the land He was bringing them to.
So for day 9, I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Lying
No Dates
Changes:
The changes I am noticing are interesting. Besides having more energy, being thirsty all the time, losing weight, and being more focused, I am noticing a change in my personality. I am becoming more extroverted again. I always used to be an extrovert but I noticed that I ruined the personality God gave me. Let me explain. When I was in high school I could say whatever I wanted to people and start conversations and make new friends. I was overly outgoing and this got me in and out of trouble. As I began to drink excessively in college though, I began to rely on that drink as my outlandish outlet and as a result lost my social giddiness during sobriety. I wasn't honing the personality traits that made Josh, Josh. I was using Alcohol as that outlet and so I began to become more introverted and recluse while I was sober.
I am noticing that I am stepping out again. I am talking more and interacting better. I am socially more in tune with what is happening. I am happier. I am more content. I am at peace. I am Me.
I had started to wonder why God was so intentional and particular with his rules and regulations in Leviticus, but then I had a conversation with my mother. A lot of times when I talk, I tend to formulate opinions or ideas as they pop up. I try to pass some of them off as things I have thought about before but that often isn't the case. While we were talking, I said something that got me thinking. I said that God was in some ways punishing the Israelites for what they did to Him. I mean think about it, God promises that He is going to be there for them, takes care of them, blesses them and then every time He turns around they are betraying Him and stabbing Him in the back. This is the very situation I faced with the girl I dated. I gave her everything, treated her like a queen, promised to be there for her and respect her and she stabbed me in the back. She betrayed my trust and it hurt. I am sure God felt the same hurt that I did. His people that He loved deserted Him and left Him alone. When they finally wanted Him back it was conditional. God needed to break them of their selfishness and teach them to be the people He wanted them to be. By giving them these laws, rules, and regulations He was creating a habit within them. He was creating an intentional life and grooming them into the people they needed to be to survive the land He was bringing them to.
So for day 9, I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Lying
No Dates
Changes:
The changes I am noticing are interesting. Besides having more energy, being thirsty all the time, losing weight, and being more focused, I am noticing a change in my personality. I am becoming more extroverted again. I always used to be an extrovert but I noticed that I ruined the personality God gave me. Let me explain. When I was in high school I could say whatever I wanted to people and start conversations and make new friends. I was overly outgoing and this got me in and out of trouble. As I began to drink excessively in college though, I began to rely on that drink as my outlandish outlet and as a result lost my social giddiness during sobriety. I wasn't honing the personality traits that made Josh, Josh. I was using Alcohol as that outlet and so I began to become more introverted and recluse while I was sober.
I am noticing that I am stepping out again. I am talking more and interacting better. I am socially more in tune with what is happening. I am happier. I am more content. I am at peace. I am Me.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Day 6: Slingshot my Soul
Day 6 was about as good as it could have been. I had to work the opening shift and had to slose the night before so I was pretty tired. This didn't help my sickness any. While at work, I asked my boss if I could do BSM which is another class for managers in the McDonald's food chain. She was willing to let me and we started talking about some things I could do to improve at work.
In my journey, I have encountered many who are encouraged by my voyage and I am grateful to God for that. The kind words, stories of change, and inspirational testimonies are all so powerful to me. I love hearing from you all. I thank God so much for allowing me to be born in a Christian family that sent me to Christian schools. I now have friends across the entire country and am able to know that even though we are apart, God finds a way to keep us close.
So for Day 6 I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Lying
No Dates
Changes:
I am starting to feel the changes on my body. I weighed my self and I am the lightest I have been in a few years. I am also feeling full after much less food intake and I have been drinking water like crazy. I have been so thirsty for some reason.
I am also noticing changes in the way people react to me and talk to me that know that I am doing this journey. They are all very curious and interested and seem to be more open with me and comfortable with me. I think it is because when you make yourself vulnerable, people see that your guard is down and try to get the know the soul.
I am amazed by this. I love that people feel comfortable enough with me to share their testimonies as well. A good friend from college, Kara Mulder, wrote me the other day and said something very profound. I am stealing it but it was very encouraging.
"Picture a sling-shot. For the sling-shot to project a rock into the sky, it has to pulled back. In our lives, sometimes it seems like we are making no forward progress and we wonder what God is doing. It's like we take a baby step forward and then a huge jump back. It's like we are a slingshot and sometimes God takes us backwards to grow us and stretch us. The backward movement is not in vain. It's so that we can reach farther and be stronger than we would have had that backward stretching not happened."
In my journey, I have encountered many who are encouraged by my voyage and I am grateful to God for that. The kind words, stories of change, and inspirational testimonies are all so powerful to me. I love hearing from you all. I thank God so much for allowing me to be born in a Christian family that sent me to Christian schools. I now have friends across the entire country and am able to know that even though we are apart, God finds a way to keep us close.
So for Day 6 I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
P90X Diet and Exercise
No Lying
No Dates
Changes:
I am starting to feel the changes on my body. I weighed my self and I am the lightest I have been in a few years. I am also feeling full after much less food intake and I have been drinking water like crazy. I have been so thirsty for some reason.
I am also noticing changes in the way people react to me and talk to me that know that I am doing this journey. They are all very curious and interested and seem to be more open with me and comfortable with me. I think it is because when you make yourself vulnerable, people see that your guard is down and try to get the know the soul.
I am amazed by this. I love that people feel comfortable enough with me to share their testimonies as well. A good friend from college, Kara Mulder, wrote me the other day and said something very profound. I am stealing it but it was very encouraging.
"Picture a sling-shot. For the sling-shot to project a rock into the sky, it has to pulled back. In our lives, sometimes it seems like we are making no forward progress and we wonder what God is doing. It's like we take a baby step forward and then a huge jump back. It's like we are a slingshot and sometimes God takes us backwards to grow us and stretch us. The backward movement is not in vain. It's so that we can reach farther and be stronger than we would have had that backward stretching not happened."
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day 2: One Day at a Time
Day 2 of my journey to find God is not going well. Granted it is Valentines day and I am reminded of how alone I am in this world. But isn't what this is all about? I need to learn to be content with myself. All I need to be fulfilled is God. Now, I do think that God made marriage for a reason. Man was not meant to walk this earth alone. But contentment means that you are fulfilled with God. It means that I can't love someone else if I don't love myself. That is one of the many reasons that this journey is so exciting.
The reading of Exodus really gave me an interesting look at the fury of the Old Testament God. He seems to interrupt free will quite a bit. He hardened Pharaohs heart several times. I am not convince that Pharaoh wouldn't have let the Israelites go earlier if God hadn't intervened. He wanted all the plagues to play out in Egypt to prove his might and power. To prove to everyone that He was truly God. In this, he made Pharaoh an instrument, he used him and as a result, we will never know the outcome. Since he used Pharaoh as a tool could it be that Pharaoh was following Gods will and living Gods plan for his life?
So for day 2 I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
No Dates
Changes:
Once again, I have slept through the night with no problems. I am even tired when I wake up. I am still thinking about my past a lot. It drags me down. I feel like its hard when I fall down to get back up. The reality of life seems to hit me and I realize that I have to take it one day at a time.
My sister commented yesterday on my post. She told me to find an AA class and to add no lying to the list. Well, at first I was mad that she wasn't very supportive of my journey, but now I look back and see all the things I have done to my family and put them through. We have been down this path before. I always seem to revert back to my previous behavior. Lying, drinking, living for myself. She is absolutely right. I am going to take part of her advice, since I am putting myself through my own alcohol rehabilitation, then I will take the second part to heart. NO MORE LYING. The truth of the matter is I have to be honest with myself and God, but if my family/friends ask me something I will be honest with them. I am not going to live a double life anymore. This is just a part of the commitment I am making through this journey.
As I am writing this, I am tearing up. I know it is because I am making promises that I can only keep with Gods help. Pray for me friends.
The reading of Exodus really gave me an interesting look at the fury of the Old Testament God. He seems to interrupt free will quite a bit. He hardened Pharaohs heart several times. I am not convince that Pharaoh wouldn't have let the Israelites go earlier if God hadn't intervened. He wanted all the plagues to play out in Egypt to prove his might and power. To prove to everyone that He was truly God. In this, he made Pharaoh an instrument, he used him and as a result, we will never know the outcome. Since he used Pharaoh as a tool could it be that Pharaoh was following Gods will and living Gods plan for his life?
So for day 2 I accomplished the following:
No Drinking
No Smoking
No Dates
Changes:
Once again, I have slept through the night with no problems. I am even tired when I wake up. I am still thinking about my past a lot. It drags me down. I feel like its hard when I fall down to get back up. The reality of life seems to hit me and I realize that I have to take it one day at a time.
My sister commented yesterday on my post. She told me to find an AA class and to add no lying to the list. Well, at first I was mad that she wasn't very supportive of my journey, but now I look back and see all the things I have done to my family and put them through. We have been down this path before. I always seem to revert back to my previous behavior. Lying, drinking, living for myself. She is absolutely right. I am going to take part of her advice, since I am putting myself through my own alcohol rehabilitation, then I will take the second part to heart. NO MORE LYING. The truth of the matter is I have to be honest with myself and God, but if my family/friends ask me something I will be honest with them. I am not going to live a double life anymore. This is just a part of the commitment I am making through this journey.
As I am writing this, I am tearing up. I know it is because I am making promises that I can only keep with Gods help. Pray for me friends.
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